Monday, August 29, 2005

Thanks to Warren Campbell for forwarding this:

ELVIRA'S JONESING LEFT HER IN STITCHES: "The actress behind horror icon Elvira has revealed she needed stitches after losing her virginity to Welsh crooner Tom Jones - because he was so well-endowed." If you want or need to know the rest of this
penetrating story, here goes: Cassandra Peterson, who was also romantically linked to Elvis Presley during her teen years as a Vegas showgirl, remembers the deed thusly: "I ended up with a little tearing, a little bleeding and going to the hospital. I had to get stitches." (To which some physicians might say, "It's Not Unusual") Despite the uncomfortable details, Peterson, now 55, added that she enjoyed the experience, but regrets not losing her virginity to Presley. "Elvis was constantly surrounded by his entourage ["The Memphis Mafia"], and I was only 17, and I'm sure they knew it."

I have always been a big Tom Jones fan and have always called him The Welsh Superstar. I guess that Jon Langford, Ian Woosnam and John Cale would be the three losing semi-finalists for that title. I've only seen TJ (not Hooker, though I do like me some Shatner every now and then as well) perform live once, about five years ago, and he was great. I've heard, repeated and even embellished the legends about Tom's member and his sexual prowess, so I appreciated hearing this one (since Elvira enjoyed it despite the obvious pain.) "What's New Pussy Cat," indeed.
My favourite Tom Jones penis story, however, dates back to the '60s when TJ was the hot new singer and stud in Hollywood. He was appearing on a TV show and met Milton Berle backstage. Uncle Miltie said had apparently heard stories about TJ's big schlong and then said: "Just remember kid, I'm still the biggest in the business" before whipping down his pants to display a dick that was even bigger than Tom's.

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